525, 600 minutes...

As the song from Broadway's "Rent" asks, "How DO you measure a year?" I've been asking myself that question as I'm commemorating my 1 year marker since I returned from my overseas life, which seems just as though it was yesterday and a dream all at the same time.

When I returned to the States, I was angry, frustrated, and confused, and full of reverse culture shock. I had little direction and many questions. I was living with a heart on one side of the world with a body on the other. Honestly, it took all year for God to do the things that needed to be done with me. Time to reconnect with family and friends. Time to make important decisions about my future. Time to rest. Time to work hard and learn. Time to refocus. Time to share my experiences with others. I had the opportunity to share approx 18 times and in 3 different states! What an amazing blessing.

I continue to miss Armenia. It really is like I left a piece of my heart and part of my family there. I often dream about friends there, and it's so real that I've woken up in tears. I try to keep in touch with friends so I can keep my language. It's a discipline that I want to continue. I continue to pray that I will have an opportunity to visit soon. I frequently bring up my memories and experiences from Armenia, and I often hope I am not boring people.

I feel like reverse culture shock has lifted, but I remain changed in so many small and big ways. I honestly can't believe this year has come and gone. It felt "just like yesterday" that I was saying goodbyes to friends over there. Now, I'm saying goodbye all over again in preparation for my move to California to study.

All in all, I'm grateful for this year of funky in-between-ness that has taught me so much about who I am and where I'm going. I still don't have all the answers, but I've processed and reflected enough to see God's faithful hand guiding me each step of the way. Just like the headlights on a car, God's light shines on the path just before us. I need to not "overdrive" my headlights and trust him for the next bend in the road. Each stepping stone of faith proves HIS faithfulness, not my own, which gives me strength for the next phase of life.

I've been back a year, and I can't believe it. I'm ready now to move onto what God has prepared for me in advance to do! Moving forward boldly...

Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes, Five hundred twenty-five thousand Moments so dear. Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights In cups of coffee In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes How do you measure A year in the life?

Something's Missing....

I was talking to someone recently about the masters degree I will be studying. They had never heard of "Missiology". They wondered why it is not called "missionology". I've come to the conclusion that it's called missiology because Ms do a lot of missing.

Allow me to explain....

We MISS our family and friends when we are away.

We MISS holidays, birthdays, weddings, and funerals.

We MISS doing everything in our native language.

We MISS shopping at Wal-Mart and eating at our favorite restaurants.

We MISS standing in normal lines and organization.

We MISS drying our clothes in dryers and all the little conveniences we take for granted.

And if we are lucky, when it's time to move on...

We will MISS our national "family" and friends that got us through it all.

We will MISS celebrating old and new holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions in a completely different way.

We will MISS hearing and speaking that foreign language that has become a part of us.

We will MISS the local food.

We will MISS ebb the flow of the culture and the pace of life.

We will MISS living in a more simple way.


So, actually, I think the degree is quite appropriately named.

Streams in the Desert

The current chapter in my life has had its ups and downs. There have seemed to be more question marks than anything else. At times I've felt like a wanderer in a desert.

When I moved back to America, I often found myself needing to de-stress, refocus, and simply be alone in my thoughts. So....I took up jogging. I do a lot of thinking when I jog. Honestly, I've been forced to do a lot of thinking about myself and the past because I jog through the park in the town where I grew up. My alone time in the park is like a stream in the desert. When my soul feels dry and aimless, I jog on paths that lead me around softball fields where I pitched, around swing sets where I swung, past soccer fields where old friends played, and alongside the elementary school I attended. I am often reminded that the God who put my life into motion is still guiding me.

For the past several weeks I've been in a study on Prayer. Everyone in the class is at least 30-40 years older than me. The saints in that class have been like a stream in the desert for me. They have encouraged me accepted me. Not only that, but they even let me teach one week!

My current job has taught me a lot. A lot about teaching, about myself, about people in general, and about other cultures. However, a fellow teacher has taught me the most. She took me under her wing from the first week. As a former M that served Mexico, we have a lot in common. While my job can sometimes feel like the Sahara, my coworker is that stream that refreshes me professionally and spiritually.

My family has gone above and beyond to help me in my transition, too. There are so many things they do every day and week to bring streams into my life.

While this this particular time has been dry in some ways, I'm thankful that God never lets me go with out the Living Water....the streams in the desert.

In your dreams...

Welcome to another episode of "Jaclyn's Strange Dreams". For those who don't know, I'm notorious for having exceedingly vivid and weird dreams at night.

Night before last, I had a dream in which I was reading Armenian. I had my little green notebook from language lessons and I was reading my carefully written letters and words.

Last night, I dreamed I was there. I was at church, and I could see Haykan, Haykush, Nano, Anush, Azatuhi, Ando,and Tamara. I even had a conversation with Anush about my dad's health! It was so real. I think someone asked me if I was glad to be back and I said, "I'm not back, I'm just visiting." Then I started to cry and had to leave the room. Woah. It was an emotional dream, but I treasure being able to see those faces...even if it wasn't real.

I miss you, my dear friends....

Writing Sabatical

Sorry for the break in writing. I haven't written anything in a while because:
a. I grade papers on a daily basis, which takes time and writing brain energy.
b. Christmas! Busy time.
c. I've had a blah attitude about life in general. And who wants to write about that?!


Christmas back in America had its pros and cons. Spending Christmas with family was of course the highlight. That's the part you really miss when you're away. However, I had gotten used to the "quiet" Christmas overseas. Nothing was extravagant. Not many presents. Not the over-commercialization. I admit that it was more difficult this year to focus on the holiday rather than the to-do/to-buy list.

Well, I said that no one wants to write about a blah attitude, but that' exactly what I'm going to do for a moment. What do you do when life turns out differently than you expected it to? How do you handle disappointment? I'm learning that if I stop trusting in God's goodness during those times, there is great potential for anger, resentment, and cynicism. A wise person recently reminded me that the children of Israel had a lot in common with me. (That usually doesn't mean anything positive.) You see, they had been rescued from slavery, escaped with truckloads of treasures, miraculously led across the Red Sea, and were constantly seeing the might acts of God. Then, when they were at the brink of their destiny, they stood at the edge of the Promised Land....pouting and afraid. That generation did not experience the fullness of what God had prepared for them. Why? They didn't trust him. I really don't want to miss out on the opportunities that God has during this season of my life simply because I didn't trust him. If we get offended at God, we have a problem remembering who we are in the relationship. He is, well, Almightly God. And I am.....not.

Oswald Chambers has been kicking my butt almost everyday and I read his challenging words. I was also recently reminded that God does not ask us to sacrifice something simply because he doesn't want us to have it. Surrender and sacrifice always have far grander and holier purposes than that.

So, maybe I have a few lessons to learn before I head out on my next great journey. After all, the journey is now....no matter where you are. The journey is with Him.

Happy and Sad.

This Sunday morning brought a mixture of emotions. (I know, what's new?!?!) I listened intently as an M couple shared about their life in Malawi, Africa. As they shared stories and photos, I saw and heard the faces and stories of dear people in Armenia. I absolutely love hearing about what God is doing all over the world, but the service made me, in fact, homesick.

The desert...

<sup>It's America! America, where worship is in English and there are preachers and churches and programs out the wazoo. Shouldn't I be filled to the brim, overflowing with praise?!?
It's been a strange desert, spiritually speaking. I'm on this side of the Promised Land.

A particular set of verses completely stole my attention a few nights ago. It was one of those "Bible-lotto" moments, where you just open it up, and the page you turn to is the page you need.

Here's what I read:

Deuteronomy 1:30-31</sup>
The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”

Those words really penetrated my heart as I sensed God wanted me to know that very fact---He will carry me, like a father carries his son! In fact, He already HAS carried me in this way, which is how I got HERE.

Verse 32 &33: In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God,who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go.

OUCH. In spite of God carrying me like a child up until this very moment, I may have a lack of trust in Him. Even though he has visibly led me, I have doubted his good shepherding.

So, these verses were super comforting and super convicting. I'm so thankful for the arms of my Heavenly Father who carries me, even when I'm kicking, screaming, and scared. The truth is, I'm here right now because He carried me here.

I must find joy in Him and rest in His arms.

Traveling Circus....

I've spent so much time driving since I came back to America. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some sort of traveling circus that just keeps moving around. Entertaining and being entertained.

I think I've almost made up for not driving for 2 years. I could really use a bus/marshutka/taxi/my legs as transportation right now! Everything is so....spread out in Oklahoma.

I love highway driving, but I've just about had my fill. It would probably help if I invested in one of those things that plays your ipod through the radio.

And while automobiles are the topic....I need to do some car shopping since I'm still using my mom's.

Working Girl

I'll be starting my 3rd week at my new job on Monday. Yes, it's been busy, so I'm just now getting around to blogging much about it.

I'm teaching English as a Second Language to international students. It's an intensive language course that will prepare students to make a good grade on their TOEFL (Test of English Language Fluency), which will allow them to enter an American university. Each "session" is 4 weeks long and we move through the material like there's no tomorrow. (Which would actually make knowing English irrelevant. I digress.)

Anywho, right now, I'm teaching 2 hours of grammar, one hour of idioms, one hour of reading, and one hour of writing. Most of my students are from Saudi Arabia, but I have one Japanese student and one Korean student. There are already a lot of cultural lessons to learn, which makes it interesting. It's an interesting job, but takes a lot of hard work, too. I'm trying to get into the rhythm of lesson planning and grading.

I feel like I have a sympathetic heart towards my students since I know how it feels to live in a strange place learning a strange language. I try to speak clearly and make sure they get as much help as I can give them, while also making them do the homework and take the tests.

Until I know where God is leading me next, this is a good job. I get to do something I did in Armenia, be with internationals, and pray for specific people who don't know Him.

Coming Home.....

I never would have though that a place out in the coutryside of Rockville, Virginia would feel like home....but it did. I returned to the International Learning Center, where I received my training, for a short conference. I met with others like me who have returned from overseas. It was amazing to be understood and be told that I'm most likely not going crazy. Ahh....validation! It was also encouraging to hear others' stories about God's faithfulness. I think at the end of the conference, we did not want to go, but rather stay in that "safe" place of understanding and unique friendship. Re-entering America is a strange process and it helps to have people to share with.

I spent my 25th birthday there at the "farm" or "compound" as we sometimes call it. Later that evening, I went out with friends to Shortpump, a town close by. We went out to one of those yogurt places with all the awesome toppings. We randomly decided to check out a nearby arcade to see if they had Skeeball....they did! So, frozen yogurt and skeeball for a 25 year old! Sounds like a mix of old and young.

I had another great experience on my way home. Some great friends, or I should say family members, met me at the Richmond airport. My Day-Day's (babysitter, but really second mom) daughter, granddaughter, and son in law took me out to lunch. They also brought me some pound cake made with Day-Day's recipe. Just the smell made me want to cry. Awesome birthday present.

The Wind In My Sails....

I went sailing with my dad on Friday evening. It was a great evening....basically no wind. I didn't mind, though. I simply enjoyed being outside surrounded by water, trees, and blue skies. I've been reading a book called "Forgotten God" and the subject of the book--the Holy Spirit--came to mind as we sailed (or tried to sail) along. Sailing is made up of a few different components. 1. The sailor(s) 2. The boat. Mainly the sails. 3. Most importantly, the wind. 4. Probably other stuff I don't know about. You see, my dad and I went to the lake ready to sail. We (or mostly he) was knowledgeable and prepared. The sails were up and ready. But, there was so little wind. We could not sail. We could (and did) motor about the lake a little bit, but that was not sailing and it wasn't beautiful or natural. Living life also takes the components of: Me, my gifts/talents/experiences/tools, and the unseen wind, the Holy Spirit. I can be ready to do all sorts of things and have a lot of plans, but until the wind fills my sails, everything is in vain....and absolutely not sailing. Not beautiful. Not natural.

There was one point in which we were sailing.....very slowly. The wind filled the sails and we were actually moving consistently. I said to my dad, "Don't worry, I'm not bored." Sometimes life looks like that, too. I should not be bored or anxious if life does not seem to be moving forward at the pace I would like.

I know there is more to glean from this. I'd love to hear your thoughts and dialogue more about it.

Ahhhh.....Foreigners!

People stare at you.
You try to speak English very discreetly.
You have no idea what the shampoo bottles actually say.
You wish people would learn what standing in a line means.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
I've SO got the foreigner thing down! I was the foreigner for 2 years, living with people who seemed like foreigners to me. Now, I'm back in America, which seems foreign at times. Oh, I just want to be with some foreigners!

It felt so good yesterday to fill in as a substitute teaching ESL at the university where I graduated. I got into my ESL groove, made ridiculous examples, made the student laugh, almost translated words into Armenian 1000 times, and genuinely had a good time.

Learning to live in America.

I think I'm getting used to....

There being an endless supply of chips and salsa in the country

The toilets. (I'm sure what it is exactly, the actual bowl part looks so deep. Oh, and the flusher.)

Having a dishwasher, dryer, and garbage disposal. Well, I'm not sure...the dryer thing is wonderfully shocking every time.

English all the time.


Still trying to get used to....

Putting gas in the car. I've re-acclimated to driving, but I always do something out of order when I pump gas. That silly little "start" button gets me every time! Ugh!

Early morning appointments. Church at 9:30? Are you kidding? Chiropractic appointment at 9:00?? My mom is out the door by 7:30am to get to work!

Weak coffee. Thanks to a friend, I learned that I can run the coffee through the coffee maker a second time if it's too weak. Victory!

NOT walking everyday. Note to self: join a gym.

NOT having to worry about change (coins). No one has given me a dirty look yet AND I can use my debit card everywhere! Bring on the reward points!

It still feels like I've been back only about a week or 2. It's been over 3 weeks! I'm doing some car shopping since I finally realized that I'm not just here on vacation.

Church Culture

There is a whole 'nother side of culture shock...stress...observations to enjoy when you return from a time overseas. Church Culture.

My first Sunday back in America was mainly spent missing my church in Armenia. Thankfully, I had a good family friend to distract me throughout most of the service. One of the main things I noticed was how much extra space I had in my mind to think about things other than the sermon! You see, for the past 2 years, I was either listening to translation, translation in one ear and Armenian in the other ear, and then finally just listening to Armenian in both ears. Now, I feel like I have all this extra brain space during the sermon that I don't know what to do with. Kinda funny.

The clothes. Some churches are dressy and some are casual, but I was pretty surprised to see so many youth this Sunday morning in shorts. In Armenia, people basically only wear shorts to play sports.

The sound. Only those who worked with me in Armenia will understand this one. The sound here seems so.....quiet.

The bulletins. We definitely did not have those. It's strange to me now to look at all the songs we will sing and the sermon outline before church even starts. I think I learned to enjoy the surprise of it all.

Standing and sitting. It's funny how you get used to a certain way of doing things. I found myself watching people around me to know when to sit and stand.

Back to the beginning. I went to the church where I grew up this morning. It was really neat to see people that I had not seen in a long time. It was also good to just walk the halls a little bit and let the memories flood in. Some good, some sad. It felt nice to get hugs from the older generation that had kept me in their prayers. It was funny to see little kids all grown up. And in some ways, it really did feel like coming home. God knew how much I needed that today.

Rollercoaster

More observations and randomness....

1. I didn't realize how much I missed GOOD cake. I had a slightly emotional experience while eating some really great cake at a baby shower. I had heard that those things can happen. My supervisor had a similar experience after he spent a few years on the field. Pretty funny.

2. Excuse me, Old Navy......where is the "Wear to Work" section??? Do they only sell jeans, t-shirts, and sweaters now?

3. Someone asked me this week where I live and I replied, "I don't know." Hmmm.......
I've now trained myself to say "Wagoner, OK" whether I think I do or not.

4. Groupon?

5. I saw a Chipotle in Tulsa on my way home and had to stop in. It tasted great and also brought back memories of my time in Virginia.

6. I never quite know what to say when people ask me to say something in Armenian. Any suggestions?

7. I decided to forgo a birthday with friends and family and opted to go to Virginia for my debriefing conference.

8. I'm still taken back when I hear really bad English.

9. I tried to buy a planner at Wal-Mart and after she attempted to scan it, she told me that I could not buy it. Period. I must have idealized American customer service quite a bit. Talk about disappointment!

10. And last but not least....I'm trying to focus on the fact that God has me here for this time. There is something for me to learn or to do. There is rest and processing that needs to take place. Jim Elliot said once that "Wherever you are, be all there." I want to live by that, but I admit it is not easy right now. I want to see my next step, but I must remember not to miss out on what is NOW.

Some observations....

1. There are a LOT of trucks in Oklahoma. A LOT.
2. When I drive 65mph, I feel like a race car driver.
3. Light switches are on the inside of bathrooms. Annoying? Yes.
4. Air Conditioning. Everywhere. Brrrrrr!
5. It only took my first trip to Wal-Mart to remember why people say Americans are just so......casual.
5. I just uploaded several pics onto this blog in a matter of seconds. Sweet!
6. In place of Wal-Mart, I will attempt to do most grocery shopping at Braum's. Small, convenient, fresh-ish, and much less selection!
7. Juice selection here = terrible.
8. I'm still not used to seeing US Dollars so often.
9. iPhones are fun! And I SO could have enjoyed one overseas.
10. There's a lot of excess.
11. Sometimes people are hard to understand. Is it the accent? I don't know!
12. Oh, the humidity....
13. At a recent baby shower, I began gathering the tissue paper and folding it neatly. Also, I began to wash used ziplock bags the other day and remembered that might not be "normal" for most people.

I'm sure I'll continue to notice random things that seem "foreign" or "strange" to me. I will be sure to keep you posted!

Rewind Part 2....

My return to the States was well documented by my dad...

Lots of people came to see me! Thanks for coming, everyone!

Sadly, I got stuck in Chicago. Some people had to leave and others took a nap.


Goodbyes are hard, but reunions are sweet.




Reverse culture shock already???

Doesn't seem like I've already been back a week! Must have something to do with Armenia being 10 hours ahead....

Rewind....

Just wanted to share this fuzzy picture of my GREAT friends who sent me off at the airport in Yerevan!


I was so thankful today to get a phone call from a dear friend in Armenia. I had really missed speaking Armenian and definitely missed her. My family just stared at me as I talked away in a "foreign" language! I also decided this morning that I would start trying to read a portion of scripture every day in Armenian to keep up my language. I've always been a slow Armenian reader, so this will really help me. Why am I doing this "language study" now??? I don't want to lose it and well, it just makes me happy!

Where am I ???

Things I've done in America so far:

1. Miss Armenia
2. Eat lots of mexican food
3. drive a car! apparently I didn't forget how!
4. Hang out with family and friends
5. Eat more mexican food
6. Talk to friends in Armenia on www.odnoklassniki.ru
7. Went to wal-mart and got really overwhelmed by the canned food isle and people's trashy clothing.
8. Enjoyed the bathtub
9. Have NOT stayed up past 11:00pm. Crazy jet lag.
10. Hugged my niece and nephew like crazy

Roll out the red carpet...

Well, after way too much frustration in Chicago, I finally made it to Tulsa at 11:00pm on August 2. I had quite the extravagant welcome as my family was waiting with balloons, signs, brownies, flowers, horns, and lots of hugs and smiles!

I think at that point I was so tired, it was kinda a blur, but I definitely felt very welcomed by all who came! (Sadly, the group was much larger at 5pm when my plane was supposed to get there!)

I'm still not sure how I feel about being back, but it does feel good to be with loved ones.