Well, back in the US people are always telling Mother in Law jokes. They would REALLY get some good material here. When a girl gets married, she moves in with her husband's family. Yes, I said FAMILY. The happy couple does not find their own home and start their own life. They live with his family. The girl's mother in law basically gets to sit down and be served at this point. The new bride cooks, cleans, and does whatever else is asked of her. Yes, she has to start her marriage under the watchful eyes of the mother in law. When it's time for the young woman to have a child, the mother in law is full of advice. At this point, she becomes very involved because--of course--the young woman knows nothing about raising a child. Granted, not every mother in law in this culture is mean or horrible, but still....can you imagine?!?! It would be like "Everybody Loves Raymond" on steroids!
Americans are so independent. We speak how we want, eat what we want, wear what we want, live where (and with whom) we want, believe what we want, etc etc etc. It's not that way here. Their culture is MUCH more collective and uniform. There are expectations and unwritten rules that are totally ingrained in their lives. I'm still learning a lot about this and I sometimes have to humbly remind myself that they are not necessarily wrong, they are just different. I can't force my culture on them, I just have to help them live holy lives in their own culture.
This collectivity I mentioned is not always easily understood by me. When my friend and I invited some specific girls over after church, 4 more girls tagged along. While I do not mind being a hostess, it took me by surprise. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with that one. Although the size of the group was unexpected, it was still a really great time. I'm hoping to get to know each of those young ladies in a more meaningful way. They are believers, but they have many questions and misunderstandings.
4 comments:
Wow! That must be difficult for newlyweds. I can't imagine how odd that must feel. But then again, that's their culture. It probably doesn't bother them that much.
It's good that you are taking time understand their culture and realize that you are the foreigner. They aren't wrong in many instances, just different. Keep loving those people you come in contact with and point them to the One who truly loves the best. I pray that you will be able to lead these girls to a more full understanding of what their faith means.
I'm still laughing about this blog entry... especially as I picture Raymond and his mother in my mind. It usually is easier to get to know people in a smaller group, but, on the otherhand, it's good that those other girls did feel welcome, also. Perhaps whoever arrives doesn't get there accidentally. Since there is so much uniformity of culture including beliefs, it's probably difficult for the "bride" to believe something that her husband and his parents do not believe just as you've describe earlier. Now I understand that more fully.
Loved the Blog. I think sometimes we think that our values and family traditions are the only ones that work. It would be hard to change hundreds of years of values and sometimes we shouln't try. Change is hard and take longer than we think it should. the main thing is to show love and respect for other people and that will open many doors for you. The old art teacher.
I Corinthians 13
God is Love.
Happy Valentine's Day!
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