In less than 4 months, I will be back in America. I can't quite grasp how short my time is here. While I'm looking forward to being with loved ones, I'm grieving over the goodbyes I will have to say. Grieving over the work that's left to be done. Grieving over the friends and students I have who still haven't understood and accepted the Truth.
I'm at a point in my journey where I don't know what's next. I can't quite see around the bend in the road. I remember this feeling all too well--I had the similar thoughts 2 years ago as I set out to Virginia interviewing for this very job. I was praying and wondering and stressing about what to do. And finally at just the right time, I had peace. Once again, I'm praying, wondering, and stressing!
I'm a whole different person than I was 2 years ago, and yet I'm just the same. So different and so changed by the things I've learned and done and experienced. But the same girl who wants to know what's next and struggles trusting God with the next step.
So, I find in myself a walking contradiction--looking forward to being home, but hating the thought of leaving. And as I attempt to sort out all of these things, I am reminded that the Father simply loves the journey of it all. It's not about getting from point A to point B, but it's about each step of faith and trust and, even fear. It's the journey that brings us together.
3 comments:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD..."
I know you've heard this passage many times before, but as I'm dealing with my own struggles with leaving a ministry I love this passage is always such an encouragement.
Sister, I am in the same boat! These are all normal procedures and feelings. Another opportunity to depend on Father...for everything.
I love your last couple of sentences reminding me that the journey of faith and trust are what we all need to realize. I feel just like you do about coming home yet leaving the people of Armenia. (well, of course, not just like). If you could stay longer would you? What are the things that you know you don't want to do? I guess it's a bit like a soldier coming back home and the things they go through.
Seek answsers from reading the Bible (Berrik, that verse is so good), having a special time/quiet time which might include meditating on the scriptures and even memorizing. Seek counsel of ones who you are led to talk with. Meanwhile , take a lot of pics and bring me one of those crosses like you gave Julie (please!)
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